So, it’s my second week experiencing the writing center hands on. I was pretty bummed that Monday was a holiday. True, it was nice getting some extra “me time” in, but I’ve been really excited about getting some more experience in the center. Ever since beginning the class, I’ve had this personal goal of mine to start doing consults before the 7-week deadline. I know it may seem a little over zealous, but that’s me. I don’t do things any other way, if I can help it. The only problem is I’ve hit a few roadblocks.
First off, I’m getting more intimidated. It seems like one of those “the more you know, the less you know” kind of situations. This week in class we tackled a lot of interesting stuff and one of the big things that rocked my boat was the grammar game. I didn’t have all the answers; in fact, I had a lot of wrong answers. This really gets under my skin! I carefully read the book, taking notes and highlighting like a mad man, but I still failed to get it. That freaks me out! I’m just not comfortable with not having all the answers.
Another thing that bothered me actually took place in the center--several times. It seems like every thing I do, I have to look for re-assurance. I know Melissa drilled us on “manning-up”. I get it, and I feel like I have done just that. But, with everything I do, I am constantly looking for a conformation--that yes, Ryan you did put that in the computer right, or yes Ryan that is how you handle that situation. I know that I’m new and don’t have all the answers, but I feel like it’s time for me to “man-up” in my self-assurance. I wonder if this is something other people in the center are also witnessing or if it’s strictly internal. Either way, I know it’s something I need to get over.
On a more positive note, I really feel the bonds beginning to form with all the consultants in the center. Even though I haven’t been able to become comfortable as a “ready” consultant in the center, I am at least comfortable with my team. I wasn’t sure how that was going to work out at first. I know Melissa assured everyone that we would all become a big family, but I was honestly a bit skeptical at first, given everyone’s different ages and interests. I’m glad my skepticism was totally wrong. I think I’ve made more new friends in the center, in the last few weeks, than I have in the entire 3 years since I’ve moved to Boise. No joke! Rob and I grabbed a bite to eat after class on Thursday night--very cool. Then, I’m watching the BSU game with Justin tomorrow--awesome! And, Rachael’s husband’s band needs a bassist and I just so happen to play bass. So guess where will I be Sunday night? You guessed it--jamming!!!
I know this journal entry may not be as scholastic as the one before or the ones that will follow, but I really feel like I needed to get some things off my chest. I have more insecurities, now, than I realized at first. But, I know I’m ready to tackle them head first. And, I feel way more confident knowing that I have a good team of friends to take this on with. It’s still my goal to be ready before the 7 weeks is up. So now, it’s time to “man-up”!
Ryan--
ReplyDeleteMy first run-in with Kolln sounds quite similar to yours--and it was equally as frustrating for me. I've now read Kolln at least a handful of times (seriously, she travels with me wherever I go just in case I have extra time), and it's only now that I'm starting to get a firm hold on the first chapter. The other chapters came easier for me, so perhaps they will for you too. What's important to note, though, is that we're not expecting you to know or have all of the answers. We expect you to work through it and pick up what you can when you can. Hopefully the high-stakes game of *Grammar Jeopardy* will provide some extra motivation.
Within the next couple of weeks I bet you'll be able to tell the difference in your confidence level. And, to be honest, I would rather new consultants feel a little insecure rather than over-confident. I also don't know if I've ever met a consultant who was 100% confident about every session on every day--not with the variety of work that comes through our door.
And I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel connected in the Center. I'm not sure how it works with the eclectic group of folks we always have, but it just does. Even though Joy and I took several classes together in grad school, it wasn't until we worked in the Center together that we became friends.
Thanks for your thoughts here, Ryan!
mk